Sometimes I get so sick of hiding who I am. I feel as though I hide almost everything about myself offline. The mental illness, bdsm, sexuality, everything. I think no one knows me, which makes me feel very alone. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if everyone knew all of it and accepted me despite it. I uploaded part of two scenes (from the same episode, s1e19, “Cursed”) that resonated with me because of my necessity to hide myself. Unfortunately, I don’t believe the sentiment is true for me, especially with mental illness. Perhaps it is true in regard to masochism or submission. I don’t know.
I fear I can’t trust myself. I don’t know what my truth is. I wish I viewed it as a gift, as part of who I am, as something I should not deny. I want to embrace it, control it, but is that safe or wise? I feel sad when I hear her say, “Nothing good can come of hiding who I am”; I will always have to hide who I am.
Just for fun, this is a version where I added audio from another episode (s1e18, “Mirror”) and clips from a third episode (s2e09, “Light”) to imply BDSM was Kahlan’s secret. 😉
For some people, eye contact during painful parts of scenes is like
saying, “Mmm, I like it! Give me more!!” 😉 Not to mention that smile on
her face afterwards!!