What should I do with my life?


Ah, skipping school again. On the bright side, I took my meds today. Oh, and I’m awake before 4 pm!

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I want to help people. I want to ultimately leave the world a better place than when I left it. Am I an altruist? No. I bet this comes from the same part of me that believes I’m evil, always atoning for some nameless sin. Since my motives are less than pure, I don’t think I am doing true good works. Nonetheless, I want to make a positive impact.

I despise law school. Yesterday I said I’d wait until my meds had a chance to kick-in again, but seriously this sucks!

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Jobs that have a positive impact:

  1. Justice (Prosecutor, Child advocate, Forensic psychologist)
  2. Healer (Doctor, EMT, Nurse, ultrasound technician, MHT, Therapist)
  3. Protector (Armed Forces, FBI, CIA, Police Officer, ICE, DoD)
  4. Knowledge (Researcher – Psychological, medicine, physics)
  5. The Next Generation (Teacher)

The first thing I remember wanting to do is to work for the CIA as a spy. My parents quickly discouraged that because of the danger. All of the jobs listed above are job I’ve considered. In fact, when searching for undergrad universities I looked at teaching and nursing programs. I entered undergrad as a nursing student, but shadowing students scared me away (they were doing a microbiology lab at 10:30 on a Sunday night) and I switched to psychology before Freshman year even started. Realistically, I don’t think any of the careers I listed as protectors would accept me. Theoretically, I could work on nutrition and fitness to pass their various fitness exams, but they all require in-depth psychiatric evaluations and my dad, who dealt with government agencies in the past, says they don’t take people with depression.

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Olivia Dunham: Fandom Explored


In an earlier post, BDSM: It’s not about the pain; it’s about trust. Right?!, I mentioned my love of strong female characters. Although I dismissed a potential contradiction, I do find it a bit odd. My favorite TV characters have similarities; they’re mostly tough, independent, fighters. To try to find more common characteristics, I’m going to do quick character analyses.

Olivia Dunham from Fringe.

Oh, Olive! At first, I didn’t like you. I think it was because you remind me too much of myself. You grew on me though! You are insecure at times (okay a lot of the time), you have trouble letting people in, you’re too serious, but…

First of all, you are a BAMF all the way! Who else could survive this?

Second, you are emotional, maybe too emotional, and you know it.

Yet, you play your hand close to your vest. You hide your emotions as much as possible, you do not trust easily. Your ability to bluff and hide is a type of strength.

Third, you risk everything for the people you love and the principles you hold dear. You would sacrifice yourself for others. There is no greater love.

Fourth, you can take care of yourself! Left behind in a hostile alternate dimension? Not a big deal! You can problem solve like a champion! Plus, you can fight and shoot a gun rather well!

Fifth, you are empathetic and instead of letting it make you weak, you learn to harness it and make yourself a better FBI Agent.

Sixth, you dedicate your life to helping others and putting away the bad guys.

Seventh, I love your sense of humor!

Eighth, you stand up for what you believe in, even against people in power. You don’t mince words.