Tabrett Bethell’s Sexuality


LOL, apparently a third of the search engine results leading to my blog today are about Tabrett Bethell’s sexuality.

LotS_cara sarcastic clap

I’ve never talked about her sexuality, but I talk a lot about sexuality and I also talk a lot about Tabrett Bethell.

To answer your question: I have no fraking idea if Tabrett Bethell is straight, lesbian, or bisexual. She plays a bisexual convincingly, but that means nothing on way or the other. Also, I don’t really care. She is a million miles out of my league and thousands of (geographical) miles away. I do care that she is talented.

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Why should I Miss Out on a Relationship to Pass as Straight?


While watching my favorite Kahlan x Cara video again *squee*

I thought to myself, ” If I could have the dynamic I seek with a woman, why should I settle just so I can continue passing as straight?”

If I wanted to, I could chose to ignore any same-sex attraction because I am attracted to both genders. It would make life easier. My parents and grandparents would be blissfully ignorant and I wouldn’t need to worry about discrimination. Then I thought, my family would get over it. At least I’m pretty sure my mom would eventually. She accepted my uncle quickly when he came out, but I bet accepting your child would cause different issues than accepting your brother. As for other people, why would I want to work for bigots or surround myself with mean people? I should not have to deny how I love, like with BDSM, OR who I love to please other people.

Unconditional Love, Coming Out, and Communication


I have no doubt my parents love me unconditionally. I know no matter what I do, they will always love me. God knows I’ve tested that theory enough! Although I knew this for years, for some reason I remembered the realization last night.

I also know my mom loves her brother very much. They are pretty close; they talk a lot. I know she never disowned my uncle. Unlike my grandpa, she accepted him right away. She is more than capable of looking past a moral or political disagreement and loving someone.

My grandpa reconciling with my uncle shows he is also capable of looking past moral or political disagreements and loving someone. In fact, even though it took him a few years to make peace, he showed the most love! He came from the strictest background of any of us. He was a farm boy in the rural Midwest in the 1920s. Do you remember my view of religion? I tend to see all the paths to damnation. He grew up in the hellfire and brimstone era of protestant religion in this region. He probably views the world with more fear than I do!!! He came from a very tightknit, extremely religious family. Furthermore, he grew up in an intolerant time period. Yet, he overcame all this, he wrestled with beliefs he honestly held as part of his personal hope of eternal salvation for at least half a century, and he accepted my uncle. His actions were not out of spite! I believe even while he shunned my uncle, he loved him dearly. I believe my grandpa tried to help my uncle! He believed (believes?) homosexuality is a sin and if a person is not remorseful for their sins, they will be tortured for all time in the afterlife. Therefore, I think he shunned my uncle to try to coerce my uncle into stopping all homosexual behavior. I do not think it was out of anger. I think it was out of love and extreme fear. He believes sexuality is a choice. We may be attracted to one gender or both, but we can choose to focus our attraction toward the opposite gender. Since he believes my uncle has a choice and he believes choosing homosexuality would damn my uncle for eternity, my grandpa refused to talk to him for years, in an effort to encourage him to make the choice my grandpa thought meant everlasting bliss in the afterlife. In time, Grandpa realized my uncle would not change his behavior, even if Grandpa refused to acknowledge him for the rest of his life. Realizing this, I think he decided to salvage his relationship with his son on Earth, despite believing his actions would damn him in the afterlife. In a way, he overcame the most and displayed the deepest love because he had to look past or alter beliefs he held for over 50 years!

All these thoughts came after seeing this picture on Humans of New York:

“At this time in my life, there’s nothing I really value more than interaction with my children, and they’ve just grown so busy that there’s not much of it. All I can really do is trust that they care, even if they don’t communicate it, and reflect on all the times that I didn’t reply to my mother when she sent me things.”

The picture caption made me sad because I know my mom and grandparents all feel this way. As my grandparents approach their 90s, the feeling becomes stronger because they know the time they have left to spend with their children and grandchildren is dwindling. I feel guilty for not spending more of my free time with them either going out for a bite to eat or just calling for a quick chat. Sometimes I’m even mad at my brother for not calling them more because I know it hurts them and they feel unimportant or unloved, like out of sight, out of mind. I also worry in a few years, my brother will regret not picking up the phone once a month. They call him, but they often do not get a response and interpret that as either their calls are unwanted or bothersome. Therefore, they no longer leave messages; instead they wait for a call that never comes.

However, then I realized part of the problem may be he too is hiding a large part of himself from them. While it might be easy to chat about work or the weather, maybe it is painful or awkward to censor himself all the time. Perhaps that is part of why he does not return calls or call on his own. Vulnerability leads to stronger, deeper bonds. He is too afraid to let any of them see the real him, preventing a better relationship.

Although I feel much closer to all three because I live in town, I am guilty of the same thing. I realized we are not giving them the chance to love us for us. They have already proven they can do it with my uncle! It may be painful at first, but in the end, I believe it is best if all of us come out. We have to trust the people who love us and raised us to love us, even when we don’t fit the dreams they had for us. If we don’t trust them, but we underestimated them, we are robbing them and ourselves of truer, more open, real, trusting, close relationships.

Therefore, I am going to come out about BDSM and bisexuality. I hope my brother and sister-in-law come out as well.

That said I am not going to do it until I am financially independent because I do not want the rug pulled out from under me. Acceptance may take time and I am prepared for that, but tuition must be paid. I hope my grandparents are alive to reap the benefits. If they do not, I may regret not risking a few thousand dollars extra in student loans, but in the meantime, I am going to do my best to call or see them more often and talk about school and the weather.

That was Anti-Climactic (coming out)


My brother and sister-in-law are here! My sister-in-law saw one of my Sapphic GIFs and asked me about it when we were alone for a moment. So, I told her.

How I felt before:

How she reacted:

How I felt after:

No one else knows. I’m sure she’ll tell my brother, but that is okay. I told her I was scared to tell my uncle, in case my mom and uncle fight, but she said he was a safe person to tell secrets.

Coming Out or Chickening Out?


I planned on telling my gay uncle about my bisexuality because I know he understands. However, as soon as my mom got home last night, she ranted about my uncle refusing to attend church on Christmas Eve and refusing to let anyone talk about politics or religion. She said she isn’t going to let his sensitivities prevent her from talking about her personal views. I can see it now… She says something that offends him, he gets red and starts yelling and in anger, tells her my secret! 😦

CD1

Bondage and Love

CD Bondage7 CD Bondage6

It is mutual Myka! After all, many of H.G.’s lovers were women. 😉 love

Best. Couple. EVER.

Tara I am you know Tara_YoursI will always find youonce more with feeling

That Bisexual BDSM chick…not so fast


No self-harm urges right now! I’m feeling wonderful. I wish I could freeze time and give myself more hours to study, but c’est la vie.

I had a wonderful, uplifting conversation with the woman who runs this hilarious blog! Conclusion? I’m 95% sure I’m bisexual and that is fricking okay! 🙂 She shared this awesome The West Wing clip:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1-ip47WYWc

I need to let myself explore. It isn’t wrong.

I’m not coming out anytime soon offline. The day after we had that awkward conversation about BDSM, my mom told me homosexuality would be a lot worse and she was glad my problem was BDSM, not homosexuality.

Cara rolling eyes

Plus, my family didn’t react kindly when my uncle came out. My grandpa wanted to disinherit him and they didn’t speak for years. I know my mom thinks it is wrong. At least, everyone is on speaking terms now.

Since my family is not accepting and exams are looming, it may seem weird that I feel happy. However, I had some realizations during my conversation with Deej and I’m one step closer to accepting part of my sexuality. That is a wonderful thing! Now if only I could hold on to this good feeling tomorrow morning.

Alone? Want a new mom for the Holidays?


I’m a little late, considering Hanukkah is over tonight. This is a heart-warming project geared toward LGBTQ people without family for the holidays,

http://www.yourholidaymom.com/

“Hello Dear Friends And Supporters!

This season, supportive moms (and dads, sisters, brothers, grandparents and friends too!) have gathered to send a holiday message to all LGBTQ children, teens and adults who are without family support and who would like a “stand-in Holiday family.” Knowing that not every parent is ready to accept her own LGBTQ child exactly as-is (as hard as this is for us to imagine), we have written to extend our love beyond that of our own family.

We are not celebrities. We are everyday friends and family from everyday homes. Many, but not all, have LGBTQ  children of our own (hence, some use full names and photos, and some do not). Many, but not all, are straight. In other words, even our writers here represent diversity. The vast majority of us came together because they heard about the project in our 2012 season, and many have never met me or each other. The common bond we share is that we are so full of love and pride for our own children–LGBTQ and straight–we wanted to extend ourselves beyond our own families and do something more.”