Compassion and Mental Illness Or Friends Who Accept All of You


I have a theory, people with mental illness tend to be more compassionate and understanding of other people’s flaws. For example, the first person to romantically accept me, every secret, every scar, and every contradiction, had a history of depression. Furthermore, I have many friends with various mental illnesses, some of that is by design like meeting people in treatment and I suppose the others are because we attract people similar to us.

Tonight I had dinner with a wonderful friend; we’ve known each other since high school. We met online and discovered we lived in the same town. At the time, we were both mired in our eating disorders and we did some rather disordered things together. The first time we met in person, we bought diet pills together. We ended up going to the same university and living on the same dorm floor (not by accident). Now we’re both in grad school! Tonight we ate dinner at the same place we met 6 years ago. Talk about full circle! She is one of two RL people who I sent a link to this blog. I sent her the Feminism link because I knew she came from the same world and might understand what I tried to convey. I feared there would be a lot of negative feedback. So, I wanted some affirmation. She did understand, but I did not need to worry. No one replied negatively.

Apparently my friend read more than just that one post. So now she knows more than most people. My family may not understand, but she is fricking awesome! She (as far as I know) does not share my proclivities, but she was not weird about them at all!

I realize the people who understand me on the most fundamental level and forgive my mistakes the easiest are the people in my life with a history of mental illness. That doesn’t mean I plan on actively seeking out others with mental illnesses as mates because I fear for any future children’s genetics; nonetheless, I think it is an interesting observation.

Mea Culpa


Oops, stayed in bed all day again. …After just telling the Dean I was getting better. Grr.

I’m currently skipping therapy. I skipped class. I’m afraid I may have met my get kicked-out limit by skipping today!

I know hypersomnia is part of depression, but sometimes I stay up extremely late doing random things online or reading for fun, knowing I will have trouble getting up in the morning with less than 8 hours of sleep. I’m beginning to think it is a form of self-injury or at least, self-sabotage. I’ve also started driving without heat in 30 degree weather. I’m suspicious of that behavior as well.

I really should shower and get dressed before my mom gets home. On Friday she threatened to commit me. On one hand, I feel like I’m not a danger to myself at the moment. On the other hand, in the very recent past, I was, I’m also not showing up were I’m supposed to (school, therapy), not going to treatment (I skipped Friday to), not doing my Activities of Daily Living, and she  used to work for the Courts to commit people. Therefore, she knows what to say. If she counted my meds, she would realize I’m not taking Lamictel. I stopped when my psychiatrist worried I was swinging toward mania. I would rather be manic than depressed. So far, no dice.