Tabrett Bethell Wisdom


Do you remember Mord-Sith Wisdom? Well, it seems not only is Cara Mason wise, but the actress portraying her is wise to. ūüôā

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Via her instagram page: (Unlike the fake twitter accounts, Bridget Regan verified the instagram is really Tabrett!)

tabrett bethell wisdom personal power easyliving livinguptoyourpotential

To be honest, I was surprised to find profound things on her instagram. Most people use it for random personal pictures. The sentiment resonates with me because along with fear (anxiety), my life is dominated by guilt.

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Tabrett Bethell’s Sexuality


LOL, apparently a third of the search engine results leading to my blog today are about Tabrett Bethell’s sexuality.

LotS_cara sarcastic clap

I’ve never talked about her sexuality, but I talk a lot about sexuality and I also talk a lot about Tabrett Bethell.

To answer your question: I have no fraking idea if Tabrett Bethell is straight, lesbian, or bisexual. She plays a bisexual convincingly, but that means nothing on way or the other. Also, I don’t really care. She is a million miles out of my league and thousands of (geographical) miles away. I do care that she is talented.

There is something in the water…


IS MY WHOLE FREAKING FAMILY KINKY AND NO ONE TOLD ME?!

LOL, it would be a bit funny since I feel so much shame, guilt, and conflict over it! Last night I noticed my very conservative, religious cousin *liked* Jacqueline Carey on Facebook.

This was my face:

Cara's DANG or OH WOW face

Gratefulness experiment day 3: I’m grateful for this Legend of the Seeker fandom video; yep, it still evokes warm and fuzzy feelings! ūüôā

Death’s Mistress


Say hello to my mind twin, Nicci, former agent of the Keeper.https://i2.wp.com/stream1.gifsoup.com/view/568540/lots-nicci-being-fierce-o.gifnicci gets Rahl

Either Terry Goodkind dealt with depression and that  is how he is inside my mind, we did a Vulcan mind meld, or there is some other factor I am not considering.

Legend of the Seeker: http://youtu.be/zRXJiz6lVnU or

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Book quotes I identify with (All from Faith of the Fallen by Terry Goodkind)

“The pillows were stained with her blood. It had been a long night of rare sensations experienced.

She knew she was evil, and deserved to be violated in such a brutal fashion. She could offer no moral objection to it; even in the terrible things he did to her, Jagang was nowhere near as corrupt as she. Jagang erred in simple matters of the flesh, and that could only be expected – all people were corrupt in the flesh – but because of her indifference to the suffering around her, she failed in matters of the spirit. That, she knew, was pure evil. That was why she deserved to suffer whatever he did to her. For the moment, that deep dark place within came close to being sated.” P. 420-421

^ This is the quote I was thinking of when I mentioned reading some of Nicci’s thoughts and thinking, “YES, EXACTLY!! “

Show affection for me? Bad Confessor!

“Nicci thought she understood how many of the buildings would feel if they could feel: empty, devoid of life, lacking in purpose while they waited for someone to serve; their only true value being in service to the living.” P. 287

Yes, that is what it is like.

“‘That is all you bring to others: insufferable pain. The Creator brought you into this world for no reason but to ease the misery of others, and here you bring only hurt’…That was when Nicci had first learned that she bore the indelible stain of some shadowy, nameless, unconfessed evil.” P. 211-212

I’ve had this exact thought.

“Helping others is the only way to prove your soul’s value. It’s the only true good a person can do.” P. 289

I don’t believe in religious salvation through good works. I believe in redeeming my value as a human being through good work, which do as much as possible to offset the nameless evil inside me.

“Nicci said she understood. Since she had ability, it was only right that she use it to help those in need.” P. 342

Yep, I’ve thought this as well. I don’t think the government has a right to force people to help others, but I believe people who are given more (intelligence, wealth, etc) are morally obligated to help others who cannot help themselves. I would not condemn someone for enjoying the spoils of their work. In fact, in regards to other people, obligation maybe too strong a word. I think I have an obligation to use my intelligence to do something positive for other people. Failing to do something good for others is a waste of my intelligence. Since wanton waste is bad, spending my life doing something that does not utilize my capability to help others, makes me worthless. For example, if I go back to Wal-Mart and work as a cashier forever; I am bad. Anyone else is not bad for working at Wal-Mart, but since I am capable (intellect) and able (wealth) to get more education and make a larger impact, choosing to ignore that is wrong. Here is an interesting though exercise from one of my undergrad classes: Does a heart surgeon who is the only one in the world who can perform a certain life saving surgery for sick kids have the right to retire early? If s/he retires early, all the children currently dying of X disease will die and every child born with X disease in the future will die, unless and until some other capable person is trained. I think s/he has a moral obligation to work as long as they are able and¬†to attempt to teach someone else to do the surgery. That doesn’t mean s/he can never take a vacation or relax or even that s/he must spend 80 hours/week performing surgery. Furthermore, no one else, the government¬†included, should force him/her to work. S/he is an independent individual and ought to be allowed to make their own choices, no matter what I or anyone else thinks. However, if I had the ability, I would not retire until I was incapable of performing the surgery because letting someone die if you can save them is the same as killing them in my book. Well, not identical, because if it was identical in my mind I would think society could force him/her to continue working. I believe we can enact laws such as punishment for murder. Therefore, if I truly believed letting someone die was the same as killing them, I would believe we could create laws forcing gifted people in certain areas like medicine¬†to work until they were not longer able.

“Nicci’s safety with him – such as it was – lay in her very indifference to her safety. Her utter disinterest in her own life fascinated Jagang because he knew it was sincere.” P. 398

It was scary to realize I’ve had similar thoughts to the ones that she used to justify trying to end all life. I have zero intention of that. Plus, even if I did decide that was the right path (which I never ever would), in real life I don’t have the power to do what she did.

Nonetheless,¬†it is weird. For example, she told Richard that the world of life is wrong and that is why the Keeper wants to destroy all life. In the past, I’ve considered not having children because it seems cruel to bring a soul into this world that is filled with so much pain. Ha, I’ve told my mom it is a good thing I turn my feelings inward and not out. My emotions are safer directed at me.

I identify with her so much. It is as if she is inside my mind. This fictional character was on the same path I am on. She felt the only way to redeem herself was through service to others and she felt everyone was better than her and she deserved pain. Somehow she went from wanting to help other people, to wanting to kill other people to save them the suffering.

Obviously, I realize she is a fictional character, but her mindset and thoughts are identical to mine. Honestly, in the past, I worried what would happen if I didn’t turn my emotions inward. Would I become a different kind of crazy? Would I be a mean person? Dishonest? Would I hurt others? I’m afraid of the darkness inside me. What if there is another side of it already inside? What if I become a switch?

I know sadists are not evil. I know they can have self-control. I know they can be good people. The depth of my masochism is not safe for me, I use other people’s guidelines to keep myself safe. If I were on the other side…I think that would be bad. Personally, I’ve never felt a sadistic urge, but what if, like Nicci, the monster inside me can be turned? Maybe that is why I want people to torture me, maybe somehow I know keeping the darkness sated through masochism will keep everyone safe.

Darn, this is becoming an existential issue! More than just BDSM it seems….

Related articles

Love at First Sight


Do you think love at first sight exists? I’ve never been in love. I love my family and friends, but I’ve never experienced romantic love. Therefore, I don’t have abundant knowledge on the subject. I think a parent’s love for their child can bloom at first sight. I don’t think romantic love at first sight exists.

I think lust at first sight exists. For example, I can lust over Bridget Regan, but I don’t love her. I don’t know her! I can’t love someone I don’t know. I can love her acting skills (seriously, go watch “Torn” from s2 of Legend of the Seeker), I can love¬†a character she portrayed, I can love her looks, but without personally knowing her, I cannot love her in the deep, abiding, romantic way. Sure, I may hope good things happen. I may wish her a ¬†happy personal life or I may be sad when she is not cast as Wonder Woman. Still, I believe knowing about someone’s character and intellect¬†is imperative to love. Also, spending time with the person is needed. Therefore, I think romantic love builds over time; it can arise from lust at first sight, but they are not the same thing.

In The Wizard’s First Rule by Terry Goodkind, Richard¬†essentially falls in love¬†the first time¬†he and Kahlan make eye contact,

‚ÄúShe stood straight and still, her arms at her side. Her eyebrows had the graceful arch of a raptor’s wings in flight. Her green eyes came unafraid to his. The connection was so intense that it threatened to drain his sense of self. He felt that he had always known her, that she had always been a part of him, that her needs were his needs. She held him with her gaze as surely as a grip of iron would, searching his eyes as if searching his soul, seeking an answer to something. I am here to help you, he said in his mind. He meant it more than any thought he had ever had.
The intensity of her gaze relaxed, loosening its hold on him. In her eyes he saw something that attracted him more than anything else. Intelligence. He saw it flaring there, burning in her, and through it all he felt an overriding sense of her integrity. Richard felt safe.‚ÄĚ

Such an experience would be amazing, but I don’t think it is realistic.

Do you think romantic love at first sight exists?

In case you are either uninformed or silly, and don’t know why I would lust after Bridget Regan…

She is hauntingly beautiful
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B eyes
Her gorgeous bright blue eyes
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Her full, soft-looking hair (regardless of the current color, it is touchable)
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Her legs
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https://i1.wp.com/i630.photobucket.com/albums/uu26/kaymartxD/Decorated%20images/bridget_regan_0001.jpg
Does this one even need a caption?
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B Cheekbones
Her cheek bones
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B dorable
She is adorable! (and funny, if you watch Attack of the Show)
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Her smile,¬†any version, but I’m jealous of the first picture because¬†I can’t pull off¬†a closed-lips smile. Also, her perfect teeth!
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Her complexion
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candid
This looks suspiciously “real”, yet she is still amazing!
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The BEST Cara x Kahlan Video on Youtube (embed now works!)!


I’m not biased; I didn’t make it!

Happy Christmas Eve, for your viewing pleasure, the best Cara/Kahlan ship video out there! I CAN SEE YOU AREN’T CLICKING THE YOUTUBE LINK!

http://youtu.be/Tbp5S1vyXQo  All the feels!

*edit* Now the embed function appears to work! Yay! Now you have no excuse for not watching! Just click play and enjoy! ūüôā (as of Jan. 10, 2014)

*sad, apparently I can’t embed this video! It is well worth the click either from the tweet or the video.

Reasons for NOT coming out…


1. Once you tell someone, not in the lifestyle, you are a masochist, it becomes a joke. For example, while baking 2 days ago, one item needed to be rolled in powdered sugar right after it came out of the oven. My mom said, “Ok, we need the masochist!” *she laughs*

Now, that is not especially hurtful or rude, but would it be socially acceptable to say, “Ok, we need the lesbian!” No, I think not. I don’t know, I’m probably being overly sensitive.

2. Once you tell someone, it becomes okay to randomly hurt you. For example, After someone pinches me hard enough to break skin, I say, “What are you doing?” They reply, “What? You shouldn’t care; you’re a masochist.”

Um…That is not how it works…   LotS_Cara's WTF face