Monday (it is currently 2:45 am on Sunday) I’m going back to work after a little over a week off for surgery. I am worried because I’ve gained a few pounds and I’m self-conscious about that. Because of my eating disorder relapse, I recently lost of bunch of weight and people are commenting. I feel like a failure for gaining weight and I’m afraid people will judge me or at least, secretly be happy that I’m not strong enough to maintain or continue losing.
Logically, I know I am projecting my own thoughts and fears on my co-workers. I also know i can easily lose again. Most importantly, I know I needed to take care of myself by eating enough in order to heal.
Moreover, I’m worried I won’t be as good at my job for the next week or so because I’m not 100% better. That wouldn’t worry me too much except that I’ve felt inept at work lately. I’ll explain that later. For now, I’m going to try to sleep again.