Double Standard in Weight Loss


We all know it exists! After all, there is a huge outcry over The Biggest Loser of season 15’s weight loss. Yet, all the others did the exact same UNHEALTHY behaviors to lose as much weight as they did. No one is saying bad things about them. People only care if you’re “too thin”.

I suppose I can’t blame the average person; freaking eating disorder specialists do it!

For example, soon after I was weight restored from Anorexia, talking about going to 3 cycling classes per day would get me shrewd glare and a lecture about moderation! Conversely, if I went to the gym for 3 hours at my high weight, people would congratulate me for my will power! The Biggest Loser competitors are body-shamed, humiliated, and screamed at to get them to exercise for hours every day!

This hits close to home because last semester of school I lost 50 pounds. No one said a word for months. Until last week my mom’s only comments were compliments. It is impossible to lose the amount of weight I lost, in the time I lost it, in a healthy manner. However, since I began overweight (not morbidly obese), no one expressed concern or batted an eye lash when I skipped lunch and breakfast every day. After all, when you’re fat, losing weight is good! Right?!?! Not even the numerous people in my life who know I have a long history of diagnosed eating disorders and hospitalizations said anything. Fuck people. NOW they want me to stop losing weight? Yeah right, NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

To clarify, I am fine that no one tried to stop me. I’d be content for them to remain silent!!

Supernatural Bobby SHHH

I am angry that they are saying something now, as though it was inconsequential at a higher weight, but now my behavior is the end of the world.

*edit* And this, folks, is why nothing changes…Minutes ago I thought, “I’ll get back on a meal plan and focus on school for a week.” I meant what I wrote in my last post; in the moment I wrote it, I was committed. Shortly after posting, my good spirits faded and I thought, “Screw this! I have to keep losing weight!

How we Measure Progress


I belong to a pro-ana Facebook group. Give or take a few girls leaving for recovery, the same 50 girls have belonged to the group for over 2 years. One of my best friends there asked how I was doing because I hadn’t posted in a while. I told them about school, coming out, and my weight. The overwhelming response?

“WOW, you’re doing so well!”

Not surprising from a bunch of eating disordered girls. But it got me thinking about priorities. Is this, our weight, really the most important measure of our worth or success? I would like to say no.Fringe_its all just nubmers

It makes me sad that we put so much emphasis on our appearance. Let’s see… I almost killed myself more than once last semester, I cried – a lot, I was almost involuntarily hospitalized, I barely passed my classes, I rarely attended class or read material, and I lost my scholarship…but WOW, you lost a lot of weight in an unhealthy amount of time!!

Why does it always have to be about looks

Maybe it is because we hate everything about ourselves and our weight is at least something we can change, whereas other things are relatively immutable like intelligence.

Trying a Different Type of New Year’s Resolution


Usually, my resolutions involve grades or weight. This year I’m shying away from external measures of “success”.

My New Year’s Resolution: Accept myself (the limits of my IQ – potentially crushing 😦 – , struggles with mental illness – eating disorder, anxiety, depression – , kink, bisexuality, appearance, even *gasp* weight)

I need to come up with ways to facilitate this. I cannot remember a time I liked or accepted myself. So far, talking and blogging about my insecurities yields a surprising amount of revelations. I think it forces me to elaborate my thoughts to clarify them for others, exposing fallacies. It also helps limit rumination, which only perpetuates negative emotions and does not lead to solutions. However, I don’t know what else I can do to foster self-acceptance.

What things do you think I should do to encourage self-acceptance?