Today and tomorrow there is half price cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory! I think this is the case for Cheesecake Factories nationwide. I went with 2 friends to one near my house. We enjoyed cheesecake and conversation. It was fun! No ED talk because my 2nd friend doesn’t know about ED. It was nice to be normal for a few hours.
This morning I was 114, my weight restoration weight from inpatient treatment in high school.
At the time I was happy to reach the goal. However, it was more triggering than I realized. I purged for the first time in a while. To be honest, I lost track of the last time I purged; it was more than a month ago. The cheesecake was heavy and calorie-laden. I probably would have resisted purging, but while driving home I involuntarily regurgitated some of the cheesecake. I swallowed it again, but it was like a sign my body was unhappy.
My dad was home. At first, I thought I wouldn’t because of the chance of being caught, but then he was sitting downstairs. So, I purged in the sink upstairs to avoid flushing the toilet. I haven’t done that in years. I don’t feel disappointed, sad, or happy; I feel comfortably numb, but that is what purging does to me.
I also think fighting with my dad this morning was a factor. I slept more than he deemed acceptable because I have phone calls and errands to run. He woke me up and I said I was getting up, but then I went back to sleep. An hour and a half later he woke me up again and this time he was mad. We argued; I cried. However, it was lucky that he woke me up because my friends changed our lunch to earlier and I barely made it to the Cheesecake Factory!
Oh well. At least I’ll stay 114 and hopefully I’ll be below weight restoration next time anyone from work sees me! :
Masochist Musing 